Lifestyle
Parents don’t always realize that their teen is suicidal
Parents like to think that they know what is going on with their children — and that they would know if their teen was suicidal. However, research shows that this is not always the case.
In a study published a few years ago in the journal Pediatrics, researchers interviewed more than 5,000 adolescents ages 11 to 17. In those interviews, they asked them if they had ever thought about killing themselves — or if they had ever thought a lot about death or dying. The teens’ parents were asked if they believed that their teens had ever thought about killing themselves, or had thought a lot about death or dying.
There wasn’t a whole lot of match-up. Half of the parents of the adolescents who thought of killing themselves were unaware — as were three-quarters of the parents of adolescents who thought often about death.
This disconnect looms larger as research shows mental health problems are on the rise in youth. According to the 2021 Youth Risk Behavioral Survey, 42% of high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness; 22% seriously considered suicide, and 10% attempted it.
The numbers were higher for girls and youth who identify as LGBTQ+:
Many factors contribute to this. Stress and isolation caused by the pandemic clearly played a role. While teens are back in school, re-entry has been difficult for many. Social media clearly plays a role, inviting unrealistic comparisons, reinforcing negative thoughts and ideas, and encouraging doomscrolling. It is also a source of bullying: in the report, 16% of high school students reported being bullied electronically, including 20% of girls and 27% of those who identify as LGBTQ+.
It’s not that surprising that parents don’t always know that their teens are considering suicide. Teens may not always realize how bad they are feeling, and may not want to tell their parents when they do — both for fear of worrying them, and also because of uncertainty about how their parents might react.
Parents may miss signs of depression in their teens, or quite genuinely misinterpret them or attribute them to something innocent; after all, it’s natural to want to believe that your child is fine, rather than thinking that they might be suicidal. And given how much drama can be intrinsic to the life of a teen, it’s understandable that parents could misinterpret statements about death or dying as, well, just teen drama.
Sometimes it is just drama — or short-term blues after a breakup or another one of life’s inevitable disappointments. And in the study, half of the teens whose parents thought they were suicidal, and two-thirds of those whose parents believed their teens thought about death, said they were fine. But when it comes to suicide, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. So ask the questions — and ask for help.
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